Michael Schwern
- Blog: http://use.perl.org/~schwern/journal
- Twitter: schwern
- Identi.ca: schwern
- Favorites: View Michael's favorites
Biography
Schwern has a copy of Perl 6, he lets Larry Wall borrow it and take notes.
Schwern once sneezed into a microphone and the text-to-speech conversion was a regex that turns crap into gold.
Damian Conway and Schwern once had an arm wrestling contest. The superposition still hasn’t collapsed.
Schwern was the keynote speaker at the first YAPC::Mars.
When Schwern runs a smoke test, the fire department is notified.
Dan Brown analyzed a JAPH Schwern wrote and discovered it contained the Bible.
Schwern writes Perl code that writes Makefiles that write shell scripts on VMS.
Schwern does not commit to master, master commits to Schwern.
SETI broadcast some of Schwern’s Perl code into space. 8 years later they got a reply thanking them for the improved hyper drive plans.
Schwern once accidentally typed “git pull —hard” and dragged Github’s server room 10 miles.
There are no free namespaces on CPAN, there are just modules Schwern has not written yet.
Schwern’s tears are said to cure cancer, unfortunately his Perl code gives it right back.
Open Source Bridge 2010
Sessions for this user
* How To Report A Bug
Bug reports drive Open Source, but too often it's a hostile experience. As a user, how do you report a bug without being treated like you're dumping a sack of crap on the developer's doorstep? As a developer, how do you encourage users to report bugs? This is not a tutorial, but an examination of the social aspects of bug reporting.
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Cooking |
| Michael Schwern | |
* Your Internets are Leaking
Using your computer on a public network is like having a conversation on a city bus: people you don't know can hear everything you say. They'll probably be polite and ignore you, but you still might not want to shout out your credit card number. Yet this is what your computer does. All the time. And you don't know it.
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Cooking |
| Reid Beels, Michael Schwern | |
Proposals for this user
* Code Happier With The Cycle: Code, Test, Fail, Diff, Fix, Pass, Commit, Repeat
If I could convince developers of one thing it would be this: Writing tests and using version control together during development is the simplest way to improve your life. So I will.
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Cooking | 03/25/2010 06:12PM |
| Michael Schwern | ||
* Git (Mostly) For Drupal
A crash course in git with a slant towards the special techniques needed by Drupal projects. Other developers will also find it useful.
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Cooking | 03/25/2010 06:31PM |
| Michael Schwern | ||
* perl5i: Perl 5 Improved
perl5i is a single module bringing together the best magic Perl programmers have to offer catapulting the basic language forward. Suddenly everything is an object! Functions return objects and throw exceptions! You don't have to load six modules to work with files! Perl 5 is fun again!
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Hacks | 03/25/2010 05:52PM |
| Michael Schwern | ||
* REPENT!!! FOR THE END OF THE UNIX EPOCH IS NIGH!!!
SINNERS!! HEAR ME!! For too long have you lain contented and SLOTHFUL in the illusion that time is infinite! SOON the UNIX EPOCH will END and numbers will OVERFLOW their confines CLEANSING all in a flood the likes we have not seen since 1901!!! The SINS of your 32 BITS will chase your children and your children's children unless you REPENT NOW and cleanse your code of the 2038 BUG!!
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Chemistry | 03/25/2010 05:33PM |
| Michael Schwern | ||
Open Source Bridge 2009
Sessions for this user
* Is the Web Down: a Practical Tutorial on How the Web Works
You click on a link and you can't get to your favorite web site. Now what? Is the web site down? Is it your connection? Is it something in between? How can you figure out what's wrong if you don't know how it works? We'll show you everything that happens after you click a link so next time the web site is down you'll know what to do to fix it.
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Chemistry |
| Michael Schwern, Joshua Keroes | |
Proposals for this user
* End Testlessness
Everyone who writes code but is not comfortable writing tests should attend this session. Whether its because you don't know how or don't get it or don't think you have the time or don't think it's worthwhile. We'll show how to write tests and how they let you write code faster, safer and better.
By the end of this session, everyone attending will have written tests.
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Cooking | 03/23/2009 10:59PM |
| Michael Schwern | ||
* How Good Open Source Software Happens or "How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Just Released My Code"
Where do people get ideas for Open Source projects? How do you decide if your personal project is worth releasing to the world? Will anyone use it? One of the most prolific and successful Perl authors will give his insights on balancing sharing, selfishness and who gets to run the Open Source world.
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Culture | 03/23/2009 10:21PM |
| Michael Schwern | ||
* How To Lie Like A Geek
Geeks have a special relationship with The Truth. Nothing is more important than correcting a falsehood, no matter how small, and nothing is more odious than not telling The Truth. Unfortunately the meaning is often mangled and the end result is the opposite, a lie. This leads to misunderstanding, mangled interfaces and the myth of the stupid user.
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Culture | 03/21/2009 06:58PM |
| Michael Schwern | ||
* I'm "ok", you're "not ok": The Test Anything Protocol
TAP(Test Anything Protocol) is a simple way to write tests in any language, in any environment, using any style. See tests written in Perl, Ruby, Python, Shell, Javascript, C, PHP and Postgres all come together in one test suite. Learn how to write your own testing functions, tailored to your needs. Archive your test results and watch your test suite grow!
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Chemistry | 03/23/2009 10:43PM |
| Michael Schwern | ||
* Perl is Undead
Everyone knows Perl is dead and Perl 6, that long-delayed second system design by committee mistake, will never be released, and all Perl code is unreadable, executable line noise... right? Real-live modern Perl programmers will prove that wrong.
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Chemistry | 04/10/2009 06:44PM |
| Michael Schwern, chromatic x | ||