End Testlessness



Everyone who writes code but is not comfortable writing tests should attend this session. Whether its because you don't know how or don't get it or don't think you have the time or don't think it's worthwhile. We'll show how to write tests and how they let you write code faster, safer and better.

By the end of this session, everyone attending will have written tests.


If you don’t write tests then you probably think one of three things: You should be writing them; you’re not sure what its all about; you think they’re a waste of time. In this session we will make you want to write tests.

We will show that rather than just being more code to write, they let you write code faster. They let you be bold, do deeper optimizations and more radical redesigns. They make you design better APIs. They let other people help.

We’ll show you how to write tests, in any language. Bring your untested project, we’ll help you write tests. And you will leave wanting to write more.

Attendees are encouraged to bring a laptop and an untested project they’d like to work on.

Speaking experience


  • Schwern round tuit oscon 2005


    Schwern has a copy of Perl 6, he lets Larry Wall borrow it and take notes.

    Schwern once sneezed into a microphone and the text-to-speech conversion was a regex that turns crap into gold.

    Damian Conway and Schwern once had an arm wrestling contest. The superposition still hasn’t collapsed.

    Schwern was the keynote speaker at the first YAPC::Mars.

    When Schwern runs a smoke test, the fire department is notified.

    Dan Brown analyzed a JAPH Schwern wrote and discovered it contained the Bible.

    Schwern writes Perl code that writes Makefiles that write shell scripts on VMS.

    Schwern does not commit to master, master commits to Schwern.

    SETI broadcast some of Schwern’s Perl code into space. 8 years later they got a reply thanking them for the improved hyper drive plans.

    Schwern once accidentally typed “git pull —hard” and dragged Github’s server room 10 miles.

    There are no free namespaces on CPAN, there are just modules Schwern has not written yet.

    Schwern’s tears are said to cure cancer, unfortunately his Perl code gives it right back.